Season's greetings!

Hi Everyone!

It's been such a long time since I have written on my blog. With the long holidays I find it difficult to find the time to come sit at the computer and blog! We had a great family Christmas at our house and everything went well! We have been really busy visiting with family. That is what the whole Christmas season is all about!

As far as the fibro is concerned, I have managed well I think. I did end up taking pain pills almost every day, but managed to get through every day so far without too much pain. Think the heat is helping as well. I have also been swimming a lot and relaxing etc. If only I could live like this I would be able to cope so much better! Think I will just enjoy it while it lasts!

I will probably only write in the new year again, so I thought I will just say to all the fibro sufferers out there:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

I hope you all have a great time with family and friends and that the new year will bring new cures and superb pain relieve for all of us!

Thanks for reading!

Busy times...

Hi Everyone!

Sorry its been so long since I've written on my blog! I cant say that it is because Im too busy, but I can only blog on our PC that is at a desk (and occupied by my hubby most of the time). I find it extremely difficult to sit upright at the desk for a long time. Hence my blogging has gone down a bit. I need a new laptop so I can lie in bed blogging!

The weather has been lovely here and I find that its makes a great difference to my pain. Winter is definitely much worse.

We have been trying to get into the Christmas spirit and have put up the tree and some lights. We even baked some cookies. This the children loved. As for me, it left me with aching arms for three days! It was worth-it though! Just a pity they are finished already and I don't think I will be baking again soon.

I still have to do all my Christmas shopping and as it is holiday here the shops are already over full with people. Will just have to work up the courage and go do it! (another day that is)

Thanks for reading!

Happy holidays!

Hi Everyone!

The kids are basically on holiday for the next 7 weeks. Most people would think that's a bad thing. To have 4 boys running around and taking over. Not for me though. Now I don't have to drive up and down to school and back. No homework and sport etc. They tend to keep themselves busy most of the time. When things get a bit crowded I take them to the park or the sea. Overall I'm quite happy that it's holidays.

I'm planning on taking it really easy this holiday. I have decided that, seeming as I have been suffering so badly this year with the fibro, I am only going to do what I have to and nothing more. This is my holiday too! Relaxing is on the top of my list! It's also a great time to catch up with friends as we have all been so busy!

As far as my fibro is concerned, I feel so-so. I have been having really bad headaches and the pain in my back, neck and legs are bad too. I take normal over the counter tablets at the moment because everything else makes me sick. Sometimes it helps a bit for the headaches at least. Since I've been of the Lyrica and heavy pain stuff I can at least think a little more clearly. I still tend to forget a lot of things, but the thinking part is definitely better. Now I feel less of a zombie and more of a human!

Thanks for reading!

Some relieve!

Hi Everyone!

Today I thought I will tell everyone that I feel a bit better. I am so scared to say that I feel better as I know it can all change in a heartbeat. Feeling better though does not mean that I'm cured or pain-free or anything like that. The things that has changed for me is the nausea and vertigo feeling. I am not taking any medication at the moment other than my sleeping tablet and I also take an anti-histamine to help further with the sleep. It has no other effect on me. I also take halve a pur-bloka for my headaches, but this unfortunately is not helping with my headaches at all. It is supposed to be for people with blood-pressure problems and also for anxiety. It has helped though.

I feel that since all the medication is out of my system, I can definitely think a bit more clearly now and I know what I'm feeling. I also don't just feel like a zombie walking around.

My advise to people out there is: If the medication doesn't work for you rather don't take it! Going off all the strong stuff has given me some sense of control back. When I experience a lot of pain I do take some pain medication. Most of the time it doesn't work though and I just rather suffer in silence and lie down when I can. I still can't do any strenuous work or anything physically demanding. When I try I end up extremely exhausted.

At least for the moment I don't feel like throwing up every time I drive or watch something on the computer! That's a start for me!

Happy blogging!

Lets all stand together...

Hi Everyone,

Looks like I only get time about once a week to write on my blog. The time is just flying by! Everything is ending of for the year and the kids are starting exams. This term has been so short it feels like we have time for nothing.

I've been taking it easy lately and try to only do what I need to do. I'm feeling a bit better than last week, the headaches and pains just won't let up though! I have heard something about a treatment called Prolotherapy. I was wondering if any of you have heard about it or maybe tried it. It has something to do with injections to help your ligaments tighten and heal. It is supposed to help for pain too! Please let me know if you know anything about it. I am considering it as all other pain medication seems to make me sick!

A while ago I tried some supplement that has to do with your enzymes etc. It did absolutely nothing for me. Maybe because all my blood tests came back normal, I didn't need that specific supplement.

Sometimes I feel so sick and just want to give up trying to find the right thing. But if I do that, there will be no hope at ever feeling better. What I can tell you is, this is not easy. It takes such determination to stay positive and to keep trying. We have to all keep on encouraging each other.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Thanks for reading!

It makes me sick!

Hi Everyone!

I had the most horrible week ever. It started on Tuesday when I went to the doctor. I told him that the Tramahexal that I've been taking makes me feel sick so in the end he said that maybe I should try the tramahexal sr - slow release - so that it slowly go into my body and not all at once. So, of I go and get the meds and take it. A couple of hours later I couldn't get out of my bed. Really! My husband had to fetch kids and make supper etc. At first I thought, ok, maybe it is just because my body is not used to it. The next morning I made sure to eat and take something for my stomach first and then took the pill. A couple of hours later I was vomiting and once again not able to get out of my bed. It helped for the pain, but made me feel so sick that it is definitely not worth it for me. So, I didn't take it again and have been struggling for two days to get back on my feet. As the feeling came back to my body, so did the pain. It now feels like every fiber in my body is aching. I'm sure I am allergic to the stuff.

Now it's back to the drawing board. For now I can't even take any painkillers as my stomach is totally messed up. I have read up about a pain medication that one of the other bloggers wrote about: Flupirtine. Told the doctor about it. He was very interested and immediately started phoning around to see if we can get it in South Africa. But, alas, no luck. It is not available here yet. It does look so promising though and I'm going to keep trying to see if we can't get some company to import it from the UK. Do any of you maybe have some insights on the drug?

I'm glad to say that today is a better day for me. At least I can use my arms again and stand on my feet and drive etc. My hatred for medication has definitely increased and for now I will be staying far away from any pain medication. I would rather suffer that lose all control of my body!

Happy blogging!

Not so positive today...

Hi Everyone!

I have been thinking about writing something positive for a change and not just complaining about the pain. Seems like my life is pretty much consumed with pain though. I just can't think of anything really positive to write about. Fibromyalgia is a very negative subject for me.

I have read quite a lot of blogs and it seems like I'm sort of in the same situation as most of the other fibro sufferers. That is the people who has full blown fibro of-course. Seems like there is a difference. There are some people that say their fibro is under control without medication etc. Is that possible? I have tried it both ways. With meds and without meds. Exercising and massage etc. The whole caboodle! Even stuff like acupuncture. So far nothing has worked for me. I'm still looking for the right thing. As a matter of fact, over the last two years it has just gotten worse.

I am sick of trying everything that's on the market. All the supposedly miracle cures for fibro etc. As far a I know, there is no cure for fibromyalgia. This I'm pretty sure about. If there was a cure we would have all known about it. There's only stuff for the symptoms and that only works for some people with fibro. My personal opinion is that those things help for people with some signs of fibro and not the ones with full blown fibro. Maybe they had some deficiency and taking supplements has helped for it and hence the miraculous recovery! There are many deficiencies that can present as fibro symptoms. So when I hear people are cured, and not using anything but positive thinking and a couple of vitamins I'm very skeptical. If I could cure myself by positive thinking I would have been better by now.

I have always loved doing things for myself and loved being independent etc. I have hopes and dreams and so many things I still want to do in life. I definitely did not choose to feel this sick all the time. I would do almost anything to just feel better. Even if it was just for a couple of days a month. To be pain free for one day would be a miracle!

I love it when I read some medical journals and they say that fibromyalgia is no mystery and that, with the right guidance, you can live a normal life. Now, in my opinion a normal life would be getting up rested in the morning, going to work, managing your house, children, house work etc, cooking, feeling good, going places, having friends over, going to movies, visiting places. Also sleeping through the night, and have I mentioned living this life absolutely pain-free! Oh yeah! Sure, bring it on! If I could live just half a normal life it would be so great! Please cure me! Fibromyalgia is a mystery otherwise we would all be cured by now!

I know some people would probably not agree with me, but this is just my opinion and just me writing what I'm feeling!

Thanks for reading!

Hanging in there!

Hi Everyone!

I have been away for quite a while! It's funny how life can just sort of take over and before you know it 10days have past. That's how long it's been since my last post. Whenever I thought of writing on my blog I was either too tired or not home.

I've been busy with my 10yr old's birthday party. Lots of planning and baking! It's been raining not-stop for the past week and we had to have the party inside. The Pirate Party turned out a great success and I'm super glad all the birthdays for the year is over!

Since my children were little I have always made their cakes myself. No ordering from someone. They now expect me to make their cakes and also whatever they ask for. They have so much faith in me. So far all my cakes have been pretty ok. The kids have loved it and when they're happy I'm happy! But over the last year it has not been as much fun making them as it used to be. The fibro has taken my joy out of making cakes. The hours of standing upright and bend over is like torture. I am still sore and stiff since Thursday after making the cake. I do it with love though for my kids! When I see the joy on their faces the pain just doesn't matter anymore!

Now to get back on to the fibro subject. I have been taking a supplement for the last 12 days. So far there has been no change. Everyone is telling me that it takes long for any natural thing to help and that I'm too impatient. Yes, I am impatient. Anyone with so much pain would also be desperate and impatient to have some relieve. I have been taking a receptozine (an anti-histamine) together with my sleeping pill at night. It helps me to sleep, but makes me feel very groggy the next day. I don't take it in the week because I have to be up at 6am and get the kids ready for school and drive etc. So when it comes to weekend I take it and try to stay in bed as much as possible and get the sleep I so desperately need. It helps to keep me asleep, but I have not one morning gotten up that I feel refreshed and ready to go! It is like I'm not getting the right type of sleep.

I have also been taking painkillers at least once a day. I don't take the same ones everyday. I try to alternate so I don't get used to just one. Sometimes it helps for a couple of hours and at least I get things done. The one painkiller - tramahexal - works pretty well for about 4hours, it actually gives me a kick, and then I have a terrible come-down of it. I would suddenly feel extremely irritable and can't handle any noise and stuff like that. At least I know now what does it so I handle it better! I have found that now that I'm of the Lyrica and trepeline, I have much more control over myself. I know for a fact now that the Lyrica didn't help for me. I know now, when I take something, exactly what it does to my body and whether it works.

I will try to blog more regularly again! Thanks for reading!

I hate my disease!

Hi Everyone!

I survived the week. I'm so tired I could just go sleep right now! If only..! I slept through last night. Miracles do happen occasionally. Wish I could have just slept the whole day. I have started doing my pilates again and think I have been so tired that eventually my body just gave in. Even though I slept through the night I just don't feel better. I actually feel like I only slept a little. Think it will only really be effective if I slept through for about a week or so. And what's the chances of that happening?

I received the supplements I ordered yesterday and started taking it. It is, for lack of a better word, disgusting! It's a powder that you have to mix with water and drink it. They describe it as a refreshing energy drink that tastes so good that even kids would love it! Oh my, my kids won't touch it. I know I have to drink it to see whether it works or not, but I don't know if I could use it for the rest of my life! Will have to figure out a way to make it more appetizing. Maybe mix it with a fruit smoothie or something.

So, this is the start of me trying different supplements. Let's hope it leads to something good. At the moment I'm so tired of medication. And so tired of this debilitating disease! Wish I could get of the pain medication, but so far it has not been an option. I can only handle so much pain! Hoping that doing pilates will help a bit with it.

As you can see I'm moaning a bit and sound a bit depressed. Well, this illness can really get one down in the dumps. I sometimes think, how can it be possible for one person to feel so sick and in pain? Here I sit with it all and I am struggling to believe it. I think people that don't have fibro have no idea what it is really like. It is impossible to describe to someone else. That is why we all have to stick together and encourage one another to stay strong! It does make me feel better when I read other people's blogs and they know how I feel. At least I'm not alone!

Thanks everyone for blogging and making me feel better!

In full swing!

Hi Everyone!

The kids are back at school and everything is back in full swing again. Especially my fibro! The driving and little sleep has got me in bed again! Think the fact that it's cold and raining is not helping either.

Holiday time is better for me. I don't have to drive so much and also don't have to get up so early. I have ordered a supplement that I will hopefully have on Thursday. I'm sure I have a shortage of something. Maybe it will help for that. Now I have to just tell myself everyday to pace myself and not overdo it. That is so difficult to do with four kids in school. Just have to keep my chin up and move forward!

I have experienced the funniest thing. About 4 weeks ago I got bitten by a mosquito in two spots. It made really big red marks that stayed for about two weeks. Then it turned into bruises which I still have! Don't know what to think of it? Should I be worried? Maybe its just my funny body that's not working the way it should.

Happy blogging and thanks for reading!

The Pain!

Hi Everyone!

I think of all my aches and pains my headaches and lower back pain has been the worst. This morning I woke up from the pain in my back. It feels like someone stuck a knife in there and is slowly turning it to make me suffer. I find that for some of the pain in my body, like my neck, legs and arms, I can do some stretches that helps a bit. I just haven't found any stretch for my lower back. I can't even touch it. If anyone knows something I can do for that please let me know. Other than pain killers, which I took already!

Enough of that! I am trying to stay positive! I finally had some results with the enzyme therapy. My blood tests came back and it was pretty much normal. There were some things that were a bit low and they say I must take this certain supplement. Think I will try it just for the sake of trying something. I am off most of my meds. I only take my sleeping pill at the moment and obviously some pain meds when I can't take it anymore. So I guess a supplement might be a good thing. If this one doesn't do anything for me, I have a couple of other supplements I'm looking into! I will definitely do updates on the results! Pity it takes months with the natural stuff to really see results. This will definitely be a long journey for me. These are all natural stuff and it can't do me harm to try!

The other very good thing I did for myself is I bought myself a memory foam pillow! Wow, this stuff is amazing! It is really so comfortable! Now I will be saving to get the mattress cover too! It is such a pity that it is so expensive! The pillow alone is a huge improvement though and I would encourage everyone with fibromyalgia to get one!

Thanks for reading!

Stages of Fibromyalgia!

Hi Everyone!

So, I have made peace with the fact that I have fibromyalgia and that I have to live with it. It was not an easy thing to do though. In a lot of ways it was a bit like dealing with death. Like losing someone. You go through the stages. You go through the stages of losing what you used to be to what you have become.

First denial. "It can't be", "I'm too young and healthy" etc. "There must be something else wrong with me". Something that is curable. Something that will go away. This stage took very long for me. Even though I was diagnosed, I was very skeptical and just didn't want to except the fact that I had a disease that was not going to go away.

Then anger. "Why me?" "It's not fair". "I don't deserve this" etc. Anger at everyone for not listening or understanding or believing you. Anger at yourself for not being able to think it away! Anger at doctors that don't believe you are in pain. Anger at everyone in general.

Bargaining. If only I did something to prevent it or "what if I go to another doctor?" or maybe if I do good things and treat people well God could make me better etc. Thinking that if you eat healthy food and exercise it will all go away.

Depression. When all else fails. This illness can really make you depressed. Especially after you have tried everything possible to make yourself better and it all failed. How are you going to cope? How are you ever going to get up and feel good if you know that nothing will ever be the same again? Depression is a difficult one to deal with. I have cried many, many days!

Then there is acceptance. It is not easy to accept that you are ill, that there are so many things you won't be able to do. That you have lost your ability to multitask, be super mom or woman etc. That there is no going back! This really is the hardest of all in my opinion. You might think that acceptance means giving up. I don't think so. I feel like I have reached a point where I have accepted it but I haven't given up. Giving up will make my life useless. Acceptance is to know you are ill, that there are no cure yet, or at least none I know off, that you know there are limits to what you can physically do.

I still have hope and dreams for the future. I have just accepted that I will have to do it all differently and in my own time and when I feel up to it!

In a way it has given me peace. It has freed me, in a way, to just be myself one day at a time.

I now live each day at a time without putting to much pressure on myself. It has made me a happier person. I'm still in pain and very tired, but at least I know why!

This is my personal viewpoint that has help me understand my illness. Hope it can help you too!

Thanks for reading!

Just another day in the life of...

Hi Everyone!

I'm so happy to finally be on the fibro bloggers directory! Thanks Good!

I had my blood tests done on Monday and is still waiting for the results. They said it would take till next week. I'm sooooo impatient when it comes to thing's like that. Will keep everyone updated!

I had the most awesome experience today! I lay on a bed with memory foam. Wow! It's the nicest, softest, most comfortable thing I have felt in a long time. I first just looked at a pillow, and then I happened to walk past a shop that also sells the beds and a loose piece that you can put on any ordinary bed. Oh, how good it would be for my aching body! Not for my wallet though! If I had the money I would definitely have bought it on the spot. No can do, will just dream about it. I really think it would be great for people with fibro. It molds to your body and is soft but firm.

People with fibro tend to be very sensitive to touch and noise and heat and cold. This will definitely make one's sleeping more comfortable. Think I should start saving!

I have also decided to go of some of the medication I'm on. The Lyrica and Trepeline. I find that it does nothing for my pain, headaches and tiredness. All it has done for me over the last year or so, was to make me put on more and more weight and have less and less memory. Now I'm overweight, in pain, sleep deprived and can't remember anything! I'm going to go of and see if I'm worse of without it. Who knows, maybe I can rather save the medication money to buy the memory foam. Maybe I will also get my own memory back too!

So there! A day in the life of someone with fibromyalgia.

Thanks for reading and happy blogging!

Weekend bliss!

Hi everyone!

It was my birthday on Saturday and I decided to really chill this year. No big party with lots of people and lots of work. No way I could do that in the state I'm in! So on Friday I went for coffee with my girl friends, where I didn't have to bake or make the coffee or clean dishes. I could just enjoy!

The best part though came Friday afternoon when we went camping at a very quiet and peaceful place. I was so spoiled the entire weekend. I didn't even wash dishes once. We just sat and relaxed and ate and played with the kids!

We had so much fun, wish we could have stayed longer, but alas, the kids have school and we have obligation to attend to. It was such a good thing to be away from all the hussle and bussle at home and in the city. So stress free!

I have decided to try something new for my fibromyalgia. I'm having a special bloodtest done this week where they check which enzymes your body doesn't produce. They then give you a special supplement made specifically for you. I am going to try this as I thought that I really have nothing to loose. None of the conventional medicines are working for me. I will keep everyone updated on the treatment and obviously also the results!

Who knows? Maybe it will help. Or maybe not! We will see!

Thanks for reading!
ositive!

Is there hope?

Hi Everyone!

I got up yesterday morning feeling a little better and with some energy to do a couple of things. It didn't last though. By 2pm I was so tired. It's almost as if something just suddenly sucked the life out of me! I thought the bit of energy was great and that I can just ignore the pain for a while. Unfortunately that theory went down the drain.

I'm almost scared to feel good, or at least to say I feel good. I could get up feeling well and the next moment I'm flat on my back! Think I would rather not say anything at all. If you tell people you feel good in the morning they sort of expect you to feel the same way by the afternoon or even the next day. That's the way it is supposed to be with 'normal' people. Even though I would like to see myself as a very 'normal' person, and someone who can do anything, I have to come to the conclusion that I am 'normal' no more...

Yes, I said it. There is nothing 'normal' about me anymore. I had to make peace with the fact that I can't do what I used to do. The problem is that there are so many can't do's and so little can do's. I have no more control over the way I feel physically. It sucks! It sucks in a big way! I just hate being out of control. Where I used to tell my body what to do, now my body tells me what to do! That alone freaks me out!

Having an invisible illness is really so difficult. I don't think that the 'normal' people can really understand what it is like to have fibromyalgia. I sometimes don't understand it myself. How can I possibly feel so ill but look so well? (Other than the major black rings under my eyes!) Surely there must be something, some test, that can prove to everyone how I feel! I know I sound a bit silly, but if I had something on the outside that could tell people who I see exactly how I feel and what I have, it would really help.

It really is a pity that fibromyalgia is such an unknown disease! At the moment I am losing hope. Know I shouldn't, but I just don't know what to do anymore. The medication I'm taking is not working and everyone is telling me things like: if you take this supplement you will definitely feel better, then the next one comes with their miracle cure for tiredness. Now I don't know what to do. I can't try everything as I don't have the money. If I don't try it then I might miss out on something that could make me feel better. In the back of my mind my head is telling me that there is no cure, because if there was then all of us writing these blogs, looking for answers, would have known about it!

I will keep looking for answers as I'm not ready at this stage to give up completely. Surely someone will find a cure, and help us all. Until then I will hang on to the little bit of life in me and give in to my body's demands!

Happy blogging!

Sleep! Where are you?

Hi Everyone!

Lying awake most of the night all I could think of was sleep. I cannot remember when last I have actually had a full night's sleep. No, I lie, I can remember only one night a couple of weeks ago that I slept through the night. The reason I remember it is because it was such a big thing for me. I was telling everyone that I finally had a good night's rest! But alas, it didn't last...

I love coffee, and thought ok, this is now the last resort for me, I am going to quit caffeine completely. I already have only been drinking coffee in the morning and only rooibos tea (which is caffeine free) from the afternoon to evening. I haven't had any coffee except for decaf for about ten days now. It has changed nothing! Just another thing that didn't work.

The biggest thing is that the problem doesn't lie with falling asleep as much as it lies with staying asleep. I take a sleeping tablet to fall asleep that works just fine. I go to sleep about 10pm-10:30pm and wakes up between 1:30am-2am. That's the only "good" sleep I have in a night. From there on it's very light sleeping and constantly waking up. It doesn't matter what I do, I just can't get a good night's rest!

I'm sure this is a problem that most people with fibro struggle with. The only advice the medical doctors give us when we go to them is to keep a clean sleep routine, don't drink any caffeine, don't do this, don't do that. Well let me tell you, none of that has worked for me! That is because that all helps only for you to fall asleep, not keep you asleep for 8-10hours a night! Heck, I'd be happy with six!

I feel that if I could get something that could give me that wonderful restorative good night's rest I would definitely feel better. Not sleeping well means our bodies don't recover properly and we feel like we didn't sleep at all. Sleep plays an important role in restoring our bodies through the night so we can get through the day. No wonder we can't get through the day. It's because all our resources are depleted! And on top of having that we also have to deal with all the pain!

I would love to hear from other people with fibro whether or not they have found sleep!

Thanks for reading!

Stress and pain...

Hi Everyone!

I have been away for a little while because of personal things that kept me from writing. Finally I found some quiet time to write and reflect on the passed week.

I have decided to write about the affects of stress on people with fibromyalgia. First of all I want to say that stress doesn't cause fibromyalgia, but plays probably the one of the biggest roles in triggering the pain. As I have first hand experience from this I decided to share it so we can all learn from it.

What happened to me this week was completely out of my control. I did not look for stress, but stress found me! I have been avoiding stress-full situations and trying to keep calm emotionally.

Some days are better than others and daily stress fluctuates in intensity.

Then you get a slam-dunk from outside that in one instant bombards you with so much emotional stress.

And I can tell you that stress definitely makes the pain worse. I have been so sore in every inch of my body. I have barely been able to get out of my bed for the past few days. And sleep has eluded me! I actually woke up in the middle of the night with extreme leg and hip pain. No matter what I took nothing helped with the headaches and other pain.

I sometimes struggle to cope with everything and wish I could live a stress-free life. I wish I could find that place, but it's unrealistic to think that you can live stress-free. We all have stress in our daily lives and when we get the added stress, instead of just feeling stressed-out, it is like a switch goes on in our bodies and it comes out through the pain. And lots of it!

So that's the way the cookie crumbles. Now we have to learn how to cope with the stress and make the pain go away. I don't have the answer yet, but will keep trying. I have been doing a lot of yoga breathing exercises but that only helps for a short while. I think I will try and apply what my doctor says about pain, "prevention is better that cure" Avoid it when you can and when you can't just try and go with the flow!

Thanks for reading, and happy blogging to everyone!

Medication dilemma!

Hi Everyone!

Today I have decided to tackle the controversial subject of medication. I have been struggling for so long to find some medication that actually work for the fibro pain. So far nothing has really worked. Not as far as I can tell in anyways! At the moment I am on quite a lot of stuff. The side effects are not so great as I have picked up weight and my fingers are so swollen that I can't wear any rings. Even my watch come of at night. There's more, but I will not go into details now.

What I want to get to is whether or not I should stay on it. I take Lyrica twice a day, trepiline at night, zopivane to sleep, and I start every morning with 1 tramahexal, 2 paracetamol and 1 dicloflam all for pain. I am someone who has always been more into natural stuff, but everything got so bad that I gave myself over to the doctor's and their medication.

Now I'm thinking that I can't stay on all of this for the rest of my life! What if I don't get better. My poor liver and kidneys will never survive! I asked my doctor about my kidneys. He said I have to have them tested every six months. He also said that it will only effect me in ten year's time! My response:"In ten years I'm only 43!"

So, now what? I have tried a couple of times to not take my painkillers in the morning. Every time I did that I ended up not being able to get out of my bed by the afternoon. And I mean really not get up at all! So last night I asked my husband what he thinks of me going of the Lyrica. His answer was that if I'm in so much pain at the moment while taking the medication, just imagine what it's going to be like without it!

I feel like I'm living in a dreamworld. I do things just to get them done. I walk around like a zombie most of the time. I can't tell whether I'm sick as in flu or if its the fibro. I basically feel like I have a bad case of the flu plus some other terrible pain disease all the time (oh I forgot, it's called fibromyalgia!). The medication makes that I feel sick still, but it takes the edge of. Almost like a haze. I can't remember anything. I scramble up my words when I speak and write. Is that the fog or the medication?.

Wish I knew what to do...

For now I think I will stay on it for a while until I can find some alternative natural medication that can replace it! Sounds like a plan to me! ....or does it just sound like a plan to the medicated me?

If you have an answer or opinion please let me know!

Thanks for visiting!

Finding comfort

Hi Everyone!

Went to the movies yesterday with the kids. It was all good except for the uncomfortable chairs. No, I lie! It's not the chairs that's uncomfortable, it's me! I must say that I am struggling to find anything comfortable other than my bed! And even my bed is starting to feel funny! I find that I can't sit upright for too long or stand in one place. Everything leaves me stiff and sore!

But all of the above don't even come close to my uncomfortable clothes! I wish I could walk around naked! REALLY! The most uncomfortable part of my wardrobe must be my bra! If I could go without one I would, but I was blessed with a large bosom. I know most woman would like to have bigger breasts, but not me. If I had the money I would go a make them smaller! Just so that I could get some more comfortable underwear! I see a bra like a torture device at the moment. It's like it presses on every single trigger point in your upper body! If anyone knows about some comfortable underwear that still gives good support please let me know! I'm on a mission to find the most comfortable bra for woman with fibro!

If you have any ideas on anything to make life more comfortable for fibro sufferers, please write a comment!

Thanks for reading!

In Memory of...

Hi Everyone!

Well, today is a bit of a sad day for me. It would have been my mom's 64th birthday today. She passed away a year and a half ago of cancer. I am a real introvert and always struggle to express how I feel about death etc. I mainly just secretly cry on my own...

Not today though! I have decided to dedicate today's post to my mother! She was a wonderful person and a great mother. She was everything that everyone should strife to be - kind, loving, caring, compassionate and all the other great things I can't think of right now! When I think of her I can't think of anything bad.

She was also a great cook. I have decided to share one of her favorite recipes with all of you as a dedication. There's this one pudding she always used to make for us, especially for my husband. (They were/are both crazy about anything sweet!). She still made this for him a week before she passed away. I haven't made this since she passed away, because of the difficult memory. Today I'm going to make it and think of her and use it to keep her in our lives as a wonderful sweet memory! So here it is:

We call it Jan-Ellis pudding. (It is similar to malva pudding, just better!)

Batter

5 ml bicarbonate of soda
125 ml milk
200 g (375ml) self-raising flour
100 g (125ml) white sugar
2 eggs
30 ml fine apricot jam
20 g (25ml) very soft butter/margarine
1 ml salt

Sauce

250 ml water
250 ml cream
230 g (250ml) butter/margarine
200 g (250ml) white sugar
5 ml vanilla essence

Heat oven to 180 C (350 F). Spray a 2 litre ovenproof dish with non-stick spray. Dissolve the bicarb in the milk and set aside. Mix all the other ingredients for batter together and then ad the milk mixture to it. Put in dish and bake for 25-30 minutes. (Do not use a smaller dish even though it looks too little for the dish). While its baking, heat up the ingredients for the sauce in a saucepan on the stove. Heat till its boiling then take it of stove. When the pudding comes out of the oven, while its hot, pour over the sauce bit by bit and leave till the sauce has all drawn into the pudding. Serve hot with ice-cream or custard.

This pudding is so easy and absolutely delicious! Hope you enjoy!

I miss my mom soo much and am glad that I have so many great memories of her that she will never be forgotten!

Thanks for reading!

We are not alone!

Hi everyone! My day didn't start so good. It started with pain and feeling very alone as I walked early of the tennis court this morning. I know you are probably thinking *TENNIS?!* Well, I love it and do it purely for emotional reasons. Normally I walk of the court and feel great albeit in pain. This morning I walked of in pain and very depressed that fibro is taking away my joy! I came home crying, got into bed and put on my computer. I read through all the blogs I follow and commented on some. You know what I got in return? Inspiration, hope and just not feeling alone! I dislike it very much when other people complain all the time over very small things! I don't, or try not to, complain alot. I have always just been like that. I never wanted to be the friend or daughter or wife or mother that was always complaining. I also don't want people to worry about me the whole time.I feel very guilty when I cause other people worry and stress. That is not to say I don't complain at all. I do! What I have realised though is that if I don't say something then everyone expects me to carry on as normal. That, I can't do either. For me its a bit of a catch 22 situation. If I complain then everyone worries and if I don't then I'm expected to feel normal. Sometimes I wish that everyone around us could feel what we feel. Then they will know exactly when I'm ok and when I'm not. These feelings can really make one feel so alone. I find myself grabbing my pad every now and again to see if someone wrote a new post etc. Blogging has been my lifesaver! By just reading people's blogs and by writing on my own blog I have found new understanding and friendship. That, in turn, has given me new ways to cope with this chronic illness and inspires me to give support to other people that know exactly how I feel.

What's really important!

Hi everyone! Its been a hectic weekend and it took me till now to recover! On Friday evening there was a 5km night race at the school. It was a memorial run for one of the teachers at school who passed away a month ago. He was 46yrs old and past away very suddenly of pancreatic cancer. His wife happens to be my friend and their kids are friends with mine. I decided to do the race with all my friends as a token of support for the family. Unfortunately my husband wasn't very supportive because he said I will be so sore afterwards and that I had to spend the whole Saturday on my feet at school as well. But what really got to me was that he thought I'm just being plain stupid!I am everything but stupid! Every now and again we all have to do something "stupid"for a friend or a loved one because we care. I care for my friends! And that to me is not stupid. I am so glad I did it. I was sore and it was a taxing weekend, but I would do it again. Maybe not regularly but on the occasional time when I can put my own feelings aside to be there for a friend! And just by the way, I have sort of recovered and things are sort of back to normal! Ultimately its our choice what we do with our bodies! I am ill and can't do a lot and when I do something "stupid" it doesn't mean I have miraculously recovered from my illness, it means plain and simple that I care for other people other than myself as well!

The battle continues!

Hi everyone! I'm going to start by saying that last night went really well as far as the twins are concerned. They both went on stage in front of hundreds of people. They are only 7 and this was their first time to compete in the junior Mr & Miss Sunshine at school. The one that's usually shy was suddenly not so shy and stole the show. He actually went through to the finals. Even though he didn't win he was definately a winner in mommy's eyes. It was not all fun and games though, I had to sit in a very uncomfortable chair for 3 and a half hours. Needless to say, I came home and tried to get to bed asap. I didn't sleep well at all and woke this morning feeling half dead! Had to take the kids to school and get through the day somehow! The day went from bad to worse! I did groceries, bought some meds at the chemist, stood in various qeues and when I finally got home again I was in so much pain. Then I realised that I forgot to buy half the stuff I was supposed to get. Well, I got into my bed and just burst out crying! Not just from the pain, but also about the fact that I seem to be forgetting everything! I'm losing my mind!! The fog is so bad at the moment. I have been trying to be positive and try to fight the pain and thought I could think myself better. Today the pain won and I crumbled! Tomorrow, well, I will let you know...

Time

Hi everyone! Wow, what a busy week this is turning out to be. The kids have their anual Sunshine Festival this coming weekend and they are all playing hockey on Friday and Saturday. Tonight they have the Junior Mr & Miss Sunshine and the twins have decided to enter. It is going to be so much fun for them. Unlike the girls that like to dress up and model in front of the crowd, the boys just go to have fun and see who can act the coolest. It really is something to see. They also don't pick on looks, but instead on the biggest smile! I better go look if I can find some clothes for them to wear that doesn't have stains or holes in them! I'll be back soon, but for now happy blogging to all! And keep smiling!

Mom's taxi

Oh my! Today has not been one of my better days. I woke up way too early, had an instant headache wich I still have and I'm generally just aching all over. And did I mention I ran out of painkillers! Its been a real up and down driving with the kids going to school and sport and back again. I really take "mom's taxi" to a whole new level! Ok, I'm done complaining! I actually did do something positive today. Thought I will get back into doing some arts and crafts, so I went and bought some wooden blanks to decoupage and I got some paint and serviettes etc. Now I can sit back and be creative. That's ofcourse after I go and make supper! Its like I can hear the hoards screaming for food! Better go feed them before I have a riot on my hands!..

Happiness comes in small packages!

Hi everyone! I did go to the beach yesterday, and ended up spending the entire afternoon there. It was the perfect beach day with blue skies, only a slight breeze and not too hot. While I was sitting there watching the kids play, I thought "This is it!, this is why I was put on this earth! I feel so lucky to have my four boys. They are the best thing that has ever happened to me! I know this has nothing to do with fibro but just wanted to share the warm feeling with everyone!

Hi everyone! Its a beautiful day outside today and I was lying in bed thinking what we could do. Maybe go to the beach or some park or just anything outside! I just want to get out of my bed actually. Even did a bit of yoga as soon as I got up. Then I start thinking of having to drive 20 min to get to the beach and walking up and down dunes etc etc. Seems a bit far-fetched at the moment. But what the heck, I have to do something even, if I know it might put me back in bed for a while. The thing is, I love doing outside things, and in my mind I feel like I can do anything and everything. My body on the other hand says slow down, take a break, rest as much as possible! Now what? Well, I think, one day at a time - today I'm going to tackle the pain and do what my mind wants to do, and tomorrow (and maybe the day after) I'll do as my body says! And even though most of the time my body wins, at least I have the emotional satisfaction of those couple of days where my mind actually won!

Well, I woke up this morning at 10am. That's quite a big thing for me! Normally I would get up at 6:30 on a weekday, but not today. Its National Woman's day today. We have a long weekend, yippee! Even though I slept pretty well last night, I don't feel it. I'm so sore and stiff it took me 10 min to get up to go make some coffee and take some pills. I'm straight back into bed because its really cold here at the moment and because I CAN! It's been snowing all over the country and even though we have a temperate climate in winter, we have had the coldest winter in years. We stay at the coast and don't see the snow, but we do feel the cold that comes with it! I am sure the cold makes all the aches and pains worse. But I'll try and do my bit for woman's day by doing all my wifely and motherly duties - cooking, washing and cleaning! Oops! I just remembered that it's all about honouring woman! Think I'll lie in bed and let hubby make me coffee while I write on my blog and read a good book! Go woman go!!

Hi everyone! I must say that blogging took me by surprise. Never really considered it until about a week ago. It was the desperate need for someone to belief me and to not feel so alone that got me onto blogging. At first I thought it will be so easy and that I would be able to write a couple of times a day, but that's not reality. I'm going to try though to write at least once a day. Its taking up a lot more of my time than I thought, but at least I feel like I'm doing something worthwhile! Who knows, maybe through this I could maybe help someone else or inspire others! I found that by reading other people's blogs I find hope and inspiration. So, I might some days complain about the pain, but I'm going to try and inspire as well. I have been thinking of starting a support group where I live to connect with people here. If anyone has ideas to help me, please leave a comment.

Finally I get to lie in my bed and rest! It is 21:45. Been so busy this afternoon with kids and sport and homework and cooking and and and...Now its me-time! Sometimes there are just not enough hours in one day. Having four growing boys might play a roll in my hectic life, but I won't change it for anything in the world! They are my pride and joy. Every night when I kiss them goodnight and tuck them into bed it gives me a warm feeling in my heart. On that note I'll say goodnight!

Hi there! I am learning so much about blogging! Been going to lots of sites on fibro and find it so interesting. Its helping me so much just knowing that there are other people that also struggle with this. I bought a book on yoga for fibromyalgia. I do think it makes sense to do yoga. I found the Pilates a bit too strenuous at the moment. Its very difficult for me to even think about doing exercise, but I need to do something. The meds I'm taking is really making me pick up weight. Now I'm overweight and in pain! Not fair! Will let you know how it goes with the yoga. Happy blogging!

Hi! I felt a bit better yesterday after I finally had a good night's rest. I even did some pilates last night. But it was not to last. Could barely get out of bed this morning. I woke up with a headache and my body felt like someone trampled all over it during the night. I also feel like I didn't sleep much. Needless to say, I will be keeping a low profile today!

Fibromyalgia

Hi there! I am married and a mother of four beautiful boys(12, 10 and twins aged 7). I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia about a year ago, but sure I have had it for much longer than that. I'm 33years old. Until recently I have sort of managed the disease, but have finally reached my threshold. I am now permanently on pain meds etc. My doctor has also advised me not to work for at least the next six month. This has overall made me very depressed and made me feel so alone. Hence the blog. I would like to hear from other people how they cope and just talk to people who know how I feel. I live in South Africa and alot of people don't know about fms. And some doctors don't even believe its a real illness.How wrong they are! The pain feels very real to me! Please write and tell me how YOU feel! Happy blogging!