Medication dilemma!

Hi Everyone!

Today I have decided to tackle the controversial subject of medication. I have been struggling for so long to find some medication that actually work for the fibro pain. So far nothing has really worked. Not as far as I can tell in anyways! At the moment I am on quite a lot of stuff. The side effects are not so great as I have picked up weight and my fingers are so swollen that I can't wear any rings. Even my watch come of at night. There's more, but I will not go into details now.

What I want to get to is whether or not I should stay on it. I take Lyrica twice a day, trepiline at night, zopivane to sleep, and I start every morning with 1 tramahexal, 2 paracetamol and 1 dicloflam all for pain. I am someone who has always been more into natural stuff, but everything got so bad that I gave myself over to the doctor's and their medication.

Now I'm thinking that I can't stay on all of this for the rest of my life! What if I don't get better. My poor liver and kidneys will never survive! I asked my doctor about my kidneys. He said I have to have them tested every six months. He also said that it will only effect me in ten year's time! My response:"In ten years I'm only 43!"

So, now what? I have tried a couple of times to not take my painkillers in the morning. Every time I did that I ended up not being able to get out of my bed by the afternoon. And I mean really not get up at all! So last night I asked my husband what he thinks of me going of the Lyrica. His answer was that if I'm in so much pain at the moment while taking the medication, just imagine what it's going to be like without it!

I feel like I'm living in a dreamworld. I do things just to get them done. I walk around like a zombie most of the time. I can't tell whether I'm sick as in flu or if its the fibro. I basically feel like I have a bad case of the flu plus some other terrible pain disease all the time (oh I forgot, it's called fibromyalgia!). The medication makes that I feel sick still, but it takes the edge of. Almost like a haze. I can't remember anything. I scramble up my words when I speak and write. Is that the fog or the medication?.

Wish I knew what to do...

For now I think I will stay on it for a while until I can find some alternative natural medication that can replace it! Sounds like a plan to me! ....or does it just sound like a plan to the medicated me?

If you have an answer or opinion please let me know!

Thanks for visiting!

Finding comfort

Hi Everyone!

Went to the movies yesterday with the kids. It was all good except for the uncomfortable chairs. No, I lie! It's not the chairs that's uncomfortable, it's me! I must say that I am struggling to find anything comfortable other than my bed! And even my bed is starting to feel funny! I find that I can't sit upright for too long or stand in one place. Everything leaves me stiff and sore!

But all of the above don't even come close to my uncomfortable clothes! I wish I could walk around naked! REALLY! The most uncomfortable part of my wardrobe must be my bra! If I could go without one I would, but I was blessed with a large bosom. I know most woman would like to have bigger breasts, but not me. If I had the money I would go a make them smaller! Just so that I could get some more comfortable underwear! I see a bra like a torture device at the moment. It's like it presses on every single trigger point in your upper body! If anyone knows about some comfortable underwear that still gives good support please let me know! I'm on a mission to find the most comfortable bra for woman with fibro!

If you have any ideas on anything to make life more comfortable for fibro sufferers, please write a comment!

Thanks for reading!

In Memory of...

Hi Everyone!

Well, today is a bit of a sad day for me. It would have been my mom's 64th birthday today. She passed away a year and a half ago of cancer. I am a real introvert and always struggle to express how I feel about death etc. I mainly just secretly cry on my own...

Not today though! I have decided to dedicate today's post to my mother! She was a wonderful person and a great mother. She was everything that everyone should strife to be - kind, loving, caring, compassionate and all the other great things I can't think of right now! When I think of her I can't think of anything bad.

She was also a great cook. I have decided to share one of her favorite recipes with all of you as a dedication. There's this one pudding she always used to make for us, especially for my husband. (They were/are both crazy about anything sweet!). She still made this for him a week before she passed away. I haven't made this since she passed away, because of the difficult memory. Today I'm going to make it and think of her and use it to keep her in our lives as a wonderful sweet memory! So here it is:

We call it Jan-Ellis pudding. (It is similar to malva pudding, just better!)

Batter

5 ml bicarbonate of soda
125 ml milk
200 g (375ml) self-raising flour
100 g (125ml) white sugar
2 eggs
30 ml fine apricot jam
20 g (25ml) very soft butter/margarine
1 ml salt

Sauce

250 ml water
250 ml cream
230 g (250ml) butter/margarine
200 g (250ml) white sugar
5 ml vanilla essence

Heat oven to 180 C (350 F). Spray a 2 litre ovenproof dish with non-stick spray. Dissolve the bicarb in the milk and set aside. Mix all the other ingredients for batter together and then ad the milk mixture to it. Put in dish and bake for 25-30 minutes. (Do not use a smaller dish even though it looks too little for the dish). While its baking, heat up the ingredients for the sauce in a saucepan on the stove. Heat till its boiling then take it of stove. When the pudding comes out of the oven, while its hot, pour over the sauce bit by bit and leave till the sauce has all drawn into the pudding. Serve hot with ice-cream or custard.

This pudding is so easy and absolutely delicious! Hope you enjoy!

I miss my mom soo much and am glad that I have so many great memories of her that she will never be forgotten!

Thanks for reading!

We are not alone!

Hi everyone! My day didn't start so good. It started with pain and feeling very alone as I walked early of the tennis court this morning. I know you are probably thinking *TENNIS?!* Well, I love it and do it purely for emotional reasons. Normally I walk of the court and feel great albeit in pain. This morning I walked of in pain and very depressed that fibro is taking away my joy! I came home crying, got into bed and put on my computer. I read through all the blogs I follow and commented on some. You know what I got in return? Inspiration, hope and just not feeling alone! I dislike it very much when other people complain all the time over very small things! I don't, or try not to, complain alot. I have always just been like that. I never wanted to be the friend or daughter or wife or mother that was always complaining. I also don't want people to worry about me the whole time.I feel very guilty when I cause other people worry and stress. That is not to say I don't complain at all. I do! What I have realised though is that if I don't say something then everyone expects me to carry on as normal. That, I can't do either. For me its a bit of a catch 22 situation. If I complain then everyone worries and if I don't then I'm expected to feel normal. Sometimes I wish that everyone around us could feel what we feel. Then they will know exactly when I'm ok and when I'm not. These feelings can really make one feel so alone. I find myself grabbing my pad every now and again to see if someone wrote a new post etc. Blogging has been my lifesaver! By just reading people's blogs and by writing on my own blog I have found new understanding and friendship. That, in turn, has given me new ways to cope with this chronic illness and inspires me to give support to other people that know exactly how I feel.

What's really important!

Hi everyone! Its been a hectic weekend and it took me till now to recover! On Friday evening there was a 5km night race at the school. It was a memorial run for one of the teachers at school who passed away a month ago. He was 46yrs old and past away very suddenly of pancreatic cancer. His wife happens to be my friend and their kids are friends with mine. I decided to do the race with all my friends as a token of support for the family. Unfortunately my husband wasn't very supportive because he said I will be so sore afterwards and that I had to spend the whole Saturday on my feet at school as well. But what really got to me was that he thought I'm just being plain stupid!I am everything but stupid! Every now and again we all have to do something "stupid"for a friend or a loved one because we care. I care for my friends! And that to me is not stupid. I am so glad I did it. I was sore and it was a taxing weekend, but I would do it again. Maybe not regularly but on the occasional time when I can put my own feelings aside to be there for a friend! And just by the way, I have sort of recovered and things are sort of back to normal! Ultimately its our choice what we do with our bodies! I am ill and can't do a lot and when I do something "stupid" it doesn't mean I have miraculously recovered from my illness, it means plain and simple that I care for other people other than myself as well!

The battle continues!

Hi everyone! I'm going to start by saying that last night went really well as far as the twins are concerned. They both went on stage in front of hundreds of people. They are only 7 and this was their first time to compete in the junior Mr & Miss Sunshine at school. The one that's usually shy was suddenly not so shy and stole the show. He actually went through to the finals. Even though he didn't win he was definately a winner in mommy's eyes. It was not all fun and games though, I had to sit in a very uncomfortable chair for 3 and a half hours. Needless to say, I came home and tried to get to bed asap. I didn't sleep well at all and woke this morning feeling half dead! Had to take the kids to school and get through the day somehow! The day went from bad to worse! I did groceries, bought some meds at the chemist, stood in various qeues and when I finally got home again I was in so much pain. Then I realised that I forgot to buy half the stuff I was supposed to get. Well, I got into my bed and just burst out crying! Not just from the pain, but also about the fact that I seem to be forgetting everything! I'm losing my mind!! The fog is so bad at the moment. I have been trying to be positive and try to fight the pain and thought I could think myself better. Today the pain won and I crumbled! Tomorrow, well, I will let you know...

Time

Hi everyone! Wow, what a busy week this is turning out to be. The kids have their anual Sunshine Festival this coming weekend and they are all playing hockey on Friday and Saturday. Tonight they have the Junior Mr & Miss Sunshine and the twins have decided to enter. It is going to be so much fun for them. Unlike the girls that like to dress up and model in front of the crowd, the boys just go to have fun and see who can act the coolest. It really is something to see. They also don't pick on looks, but instead on the biggest smile! I better go look if I can find some clothes for them to wear that doesn't have stains or holes in them! I'll be back soon, but for now happy blogging to all! And keep smiling!

Mom's taxi

Oh my! Today has not been one of my better days. I woke up way too early, had an instant headache wich I still have and I'm generally just aching all over. And did I mention I ran out of painkillers! Its been a real up and down driving with the kids going to school and sport and back again. I really take "mom's taxi" to a whole new level! Ok, I'm done complaining! I actually did do something positive today. Thought I will get back into doing some arts and crafts, so I went and bought some wooden blanks to decoupage and I got some paint and serviettes etc. Now I can sit back and be creative. That's ofcourse after I go and make supper! Its like I can hear the hoards screaming for food! Better go feed them before I have a riot on my hands!..

Happiness comes in small packages!

Hi everyone! I did go to the beach yesterday, and ended up spending the entire afternoon there. It was the perfect beach day with blue skies, only a slight breeze and not too hot. While I was sitting there watching the kids play, I thought "This is it!, this is why I was put on this earth! I feel so lucky to have my four boys. They are the best thing that has ever happened to me! I know this has nothing to do with fibro but just wanted to share the warm feeling with everyone!

Hi everyone! Its a beautiful day outside today and I was lying in bed thinking what we could do. Maybe go to the beach or some park or just anything outside! I just want to get out of my bed actually. Even did a bit of yoga as soon as I got up. Then I start thinking of having to drive 20 min to get to the beach and walking up and down dunes etc etc. Seems a bit far-fetched at the moment. But what the heck, I have to do something even, if I know it might put me back in bed for a while. The thing is, I love doing outside things, and in my mind I feel like I can do anything and everything. My body on the other hand says slow down, take a break, rest as much as possible! Now what? Well, I think, one day at a time - today I'm going to tackle the pain and do what my mind wants to do, and tomorrow (and maybe the day after) I'll do as my body says! And even though most of the time my body wins, at least I have the emotional satisfaction of those couple of days where my mind actually won!

Well, I woke up this morning at 10am. That's quite a big thing for me! Normally I would get up at 6:30 on a weekday, but not today. Its National Woman's day today. We have a long weekend, yippee! Even though I slept pretty well last night, I don't feel it. I'm so sore and stiff it took me 10 min to get up to go make some coffee and take some pills. I'm straight back into bed because its really cold here at the moment and because I CAN! It's been snowing all over the country and even though we have a temperate climate in winter, we have had the coldest winter in years. We stay at the coast and don't see the snow, but we do feel the cold that comes with it! I am sure the cold makes all the aches and pains worse. But I'll try and do my bit for woman's day by doing all my wifely and motherly duties - cooking, washing and cleaning! Oops! I just remembered that it's all about honouring woman! Think I'll lie in bed and let hubby make me coffee while I write on my blog and read a good book! Go woman go!!

Hi everyone! I must say that blogging took me by surprise. Never really considered it until about a week ago. It was the desperate need for someone to belief me and to not feel so alone that got me onto blogging. At first I thought it will be so easy and that I would be able to write a couple of times a day, but that's not reality. I'm going to try though to write at least once a day. Its taking up a lot more of my time than I thought, but at least I feel like I'm doing something worthwhile! Who knows, maybe through this I could maybe help someone else or inspire others! I found that by reading other people's blogs I find hope and inspiration. So, I might some days complain about the pain, but I'm going to try and inspire as well. I have been thinking of starting a support group where I live to connect with people here. If anyone has ideas to help me, please leave a comment.

Finally I get to lie in my bed and rest! It is 21:45. Been so busy this afternoon with kids and sport and homework and cooking and and and...Now its me-time! Sometimes there are just not enough hours in one day. Having four growing boys might play a roll in my hectic life, but I won't change it for anything in the world! They are my pride and joy. Every night when I kiss them goodnight and tuck them into bed it gives me a warm feeling in my heart. On that note I'll say goodnight!

Hi there! I am learning so much about blogging! Been going to lots of sites on fibro and find it so interesting. Its helping me so much just knowing that there are other people that also struggle with this. I bought a book on yoga for fibromyalgia. I do think it makes sense to do yoga. I found the Pilates a bit too strenuous at the moment. Its very difficult for me to even think about doing exercise, but I need to do something. The meds I'm taking is really making me pick up weight. Now I'm overweight and in pain! Not fair! Will let you know how it goes with the yoga. Happy blogging!

Hi! I felt a bit better yesterday after I finally had a good night's rest. I even did some pilates last night. But it was not to last. Could barely get out of bed this morning. I woke up with a headache and my body felt like someone trampled all over it during the night. I also feel like I didn't sleep much. Needless to say, I will be keeping a low profile today!

Fibromyalgia

Hi there! I am married and a mother of four beautiful boys(12, 10 and twins aged 7). I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia about a year ago, but sure I have had it for much longer than that. I'm 33years old. Until recently I have sort of managed the disease, but have finally reached my threshold. I am now permanently on pain meds etc. My doctor has also advised me not to work for at least the next six month. This has overall made me very depressed and made me feel so alone. Hence the blog. I would like to hear from other people how they cope and just talk to people who know how I feel. I live in South Africa and alot of people don't know about fms. And some doctors don't even believe its a real illness.How wrong they are! The pain feels very real to me! Please write and tell me how YOU feel! Happy blogging!