Stages of Fibromyalgia!

Hi Everyone!

So, I have made peace with the fact that I have fibromyalgia and that I have to live with it. It was not an easy thing to do though. In a lot of ways it was a bit like dealing with death. Like losing someone. You go through the stages. You go through the stages of losing what you used to be to what you have become.

First denial. "It can't be", "I'm too young and healthy" etc. "There must be something else wrong with me". Something that is curable. Something that will go away. This stage took very long for me. Even though I was diagnosed, I was very skeptical and just didn't want to except the fact that I had a disease that was not going to go away.

Then anger. "Why me?" "It's not fair". "I don't deserve this" etc. Anger at everyone for not listening or understanding or believing you. Anger at yourself for not being able to think it away! Anger at doctors that don't believe you are in pain. Anger at everyone in general.

Bargaining. If only I did something to prevent it or "what if I go to another doctor?" or maybe if I do good things and treat people well God could make me better etc. Thinking that if you eat healthy food and exercise it will all go away.

Depression. When all else fails. This illness can really make you depressed. Especially after you have tried everything possible to make yourself better and it all failed. How are you going to cope? How are you ever going to get up and feel good if you know that nothing will ever be the same again? Depression is a difficult one to deal with. I have cried many, many days!

Then there is acceptance. It is not easy to accept that you are ill, that there are so many things you won't be able to do. That you have lost your ability to multitask, be super mom or woman etc. That there is no going back! This really is the hardest of all in my opinion. You might think that acceptance means giving up. I don't think so. I feel like I have reached a point where I have accepted it but I haven't given up. Giving up will make my life useless. Acceptance is to know you are ill, that there are no cure yet, or at least none I know off, that you know there are limits to what you can physically do.

I still have hope and dreams for the future. I have just accepted that I will have to do it all differently and in my own time and when I feel up to it!

In a way it has given me peace. It has freed me, in a way, to just be myself one day at a time.

I now live each day at a time without putting to much pressure on myself. It has made me a happier person. I'm still in pain and very tired, but at least I know why!

This is my personal viewpoint that has help me understand my illness. Hope it can help you too!

Thanks for reading!

Just another day in the life of...

Hi Everyone!

I'm so happy to finally be on the fibro bloggers directory! Thanks Good!

I had my blood tests done on Monday and is still waiting for the results. They said it would take till next week. I'm sooooo impatient when it comes to thing's like that. Will keep everyone updated!

I had the most awesome experience today! I lay on a bed with memory foam. Wow! It's the nicest, softest, most comfortable thing I have felt in a long time. I first just looked at a pillow, and then I happened to walk past a shop that also sells the beds and a loose piece that you can put on any ordinary bed. Oh, how good it would be for my aching body! Not for my wallet though! If I had the money I would definitely have bought it on the spot. No can do, will just dream about it. I really think it would be great for people with fibro. It molds to your body and is soft but firm.

People with fibro tend to be very sensitive to touch and noise and heat and cold. This will definitely make one's sleeping more comfortable. Think I should start saving!

I have also decided to go of some of the medication I'm on. The Lyrica and Trepeline. I find that it does nothing for my pain, headaches and tiredness. All it has done for me over the last year or so, was to make me put on more and more weight and have less and less memory. Now I'm overweight, in pain, sleep deprived and can't remember anything! I'm going to go of and see if I'm worse of without it. Who knows, maybe I can rather save the medication money to buy the memory foam. Maybe I will also get my own memory back too!

So there! A day in the life of someone with fibromyalgia.

Thanks for reading and happy blogging!

Weekend bliss!

Hi everyone!

It was my birthday on Saturday and I decided to really chill this year. No big party with lots of people and lots of work. No way I could do that in the state I'm in! So on Friday I went for coffee with my girl friends, where I didn't have to bake or make the coffee or clean dishes. I could just enjoy!

The best part though came Friday afternoon when we went camping at a very quiet and peaceful place. I was so spoiled the entire weekend. I didn't even wash dishes once. We just sat and relaxed and ate and played with the kids!

We had so much fun, wish we could have stayed longer, but alas, the kids have school and we have obligation to attend to. It was such a good thing to be away from all the hussle and bussle at home and in the city. So stress free!

I have decided to try something new for my fibromyalgia. I'm having a special bloodtest done this week where they check which enzymes your body doesn't produce. They then give you a special supplement made specifically for you. I am going to try this as I thought that I really have nothing to loose. None of the conventional medicines are working for me. I will keep everyone updated on the treatment and obviously also the results!

Who knows? Maybe it will help. Or maybe not! We will see!

Thanks for reading!
ositive!

Is there hope?

Hi Everyone!

I got up yesterday morning feeling a little better and with some energy to do a couple of things. It didn't last though. By 2pm I was so tired. It's almost as if something just suddenly sucked the life out of me! I thought the bit of energy was great and that I can just ignore the pain for a while. Unfortunately that theory went down the drain.

I'm almost scared to feel good, or at least to say I feel good. I could get up feeling well and the next moment I'm flat on my back! Think I would rather not say anything at all. If you tell people you feel good in the morning they sort of expect you to feel the same way by the afternoon or even the next day. That's the way it is supposed to be with 'normal' people. Even though I would like to see myself as a very 'normal' person, and someone who can do anything, I have to come to the conclusion that I am 'normal' no more...

Yes, I said it. There is nothing 'normal' about me anymore. I had to make peace with the fact that I can't do what I used to do. The problem is that there are so many can't do's and so little can do's. I have no more control over the way I feel physically. It sucks! It sucks in a big way! I just hate being out of control. Where I used to tell my body what to do, now my body tells me what to do! That alone freaks me out!

Having an invisible illness is really so difficult. I don't think that the 'normal' people can really understand what it is like to have fibromyalgia. I sometimes don't understand it myself. How can I possibly feel so ill but look so well? (Other than the major black rings under my eyes!) Surely there must be something, some test, that can prove to everyone how I feel! I know I sound a bit silly, but if I had something on the outside that could tell people who I see exactly how I feel and what I have, it would really help.

It really is a pity that fibromyalgia is such an unknown disease! At the moment I am losing hope. Know I shouldn't, but I just don't know what to do anymore. The medication I'm taking is not working and everyone is telling me things like: if you take this supplement you will definitely feel better, then the next one comes with their miracle cure for tiredness. Now I don't know what to do. I can't try everything as I don't have the money. If I don't try it then I might miss out on something that could make me feel better. In the back of my mind my head is telling me that there is no cure, because if there was then all of us writing these blogs, looking for answers, would have known about it!

I will keep looking for answers as I'm not ready at this stage to give up completely. Surely someone will find a cure, and help us all. Until then I will hang on to the little bit of life in me and give in to my body's demands!

Happy blogging!

Sleep! Where are you?

Hi Everyone!

Lying awake most of the night all I could think of was sleep. I cannot remember when last I have actually had a full night's sleep. No, I lie, I can remember only one night a couple of weeks ago that I slept through the night. The reason I remember it is because it was such a big thing for me. I was telling everyone that I finally had a good night's rest! But alas, it didn't last...

I love coffee, and thought ok, this is now the last resort for me, I am going to quit caffeine completely. I already have only been drinking coffee in the morning and only rooibos tea (which is caffeine free) from the afternoon to evening. I haven't had any coffee except for decaf for about ten days now. It has changed nothing! Just another thing that didn't work.

The biggest thing is that the problem doesn't lie with falling asleep as much as it lies with staying asleep. I take a sleeping tablet to fall asleep that works just fine. I go to sleep about 10pm-10:30pm and wakes up between 1:30am-2am. That's the only "good" sleep I have in a night. From there on it's very light sleeping and constantly waking up. It doesn't matter what I do, I just can't get a good night's rest!

I'm sure this is a problem that most people with fibro struggle with. The only advice the medical doctors give us when we go to them is to keep a clean sleep routine, don't drink any caffeine, don't do this, don't do that. Well let me tell you, none of that has worked for me! That is because that all helps only for you to fall asleep, not keep you asleep for 8-10hours a night! Heck, I'd be happy with six!

I feel that if I could get something that could give me that wonderful restorative good night's rest I would definitely feel better. Not sleeping well means our bodies don't recover properly and we feel like we didn't sleep at all. Sleep plays an important role in restoring our bodies through the night so we can get through the day. No wonder we can't get through the day. It's because all our resources are depleted! And on top of having that we also have to deal with all the pain!

I would love to hear from other people with fibro whether or not they have found sleep!

Thanks for reading!

Stress and pain...

Hi Everyone!

I have been away for a little while because of personal things that kept me from writing. Finally I found some quiet time to write and reflect on the passed week.

I have decided to write about the affects of stress on people with fibromyalgia. First of all I want to say that stress doesn't cause fibromyalgia, but plays probably the one of the biggest roles in triggering the pain. As I have first hand experience from this I decided to share it so we can all learn from it.

What happened to me this week was completely out of my control. I did not look for stress, but stress found me! I have been avoiding stress-full situations and trying to keep calm emotionally.

Some days are better than others and daily stress fluctuates in intensity.

Then you get a slam-dunk from outside that in one instant bombards you with so much emotional stress.

And I can tell you that stress definitely makes the pain worse. I have been so sore in every inch of my body. I have barely been able to get out of my bed for the past few days. And sleep has eluded me! I actually woke up in the middle of the night with extreme leg and hip pain. No matter what I took nothing helped with the headaches and other pain.

I sometimes struggle to cope with everything and wish I could live a stress-free life. I wish I could find that place, but it's unrealistic to think that you can live stress-free. We all have stress in our daily lives and when we get the added stress, instead of just feeling stressed-out, it is like a switch goes on in our bodies and it comes out through the pain. And lots of it!

So that's the way the cookie crumbles. Now we have to learn how to cope with the stress and make the pain go away. I don't have the answer yet, but will keep trying. I have been doing a lot of yoga breathing exercises but that only helps for a short while. I think I will try and apply what my doctor says about pain, "prevention is better that cure" Avoid it when you can and when you can't just try and go with the flow!

Thanks for reading, and happy blogging to everyone!